


Rewind

by millionstar



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millionstar/pseuds/millionstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hurts to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rewind

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to my LJ [here](http://millionstar.livejournal.com/209602.html)

"Have you fed Nebula yet?"

Arthur smiled, his nose deep in the morning paper still. Merlin was obsessed with that bird, and always got on Arthur's case if he didn't feed her first thing in the morning. Luckily for Nebula, she had already been given something to eat and was now singing sweetly in her cage.

"Yes, Merlin."

* * * 

The blond was finishing his toast when Merlin's voice rang out again.

"It's sunny out today. I guarantee Leon and the others will be playing football in the park. You should join them, get out of here for a while."

"Nope. Not leaving you."

* * * 

Later on, as he was working on his latest article, Arthur smiled as Merlin's voice called out once more.

"What should we do for dinner? Curry sounds good to me."

"You hate curry," Arthur replied, shaking his head good-naturedly, "you just know I love it."

Nebula sang a sweet tune and flapped her yellow wings rapidly.

* * *

Early one evening, Arthur was curled up on his couch in the dark. He sighed, a dull ache forming in his head; even so, his heart was warmed when the he heard the question.

"What's on your mind, love?" 

"You," the blond replied easily, "always you."

* * *

"Arthur, I want you to know- no," Merlin gasped, coughing violently, "not now."

A miniscule part of him resisted, but in the end Arthur turned slowly, the tears filling his eyes as they finally landed on Merlin's face on his laptop screen.

"Oh," he repeated from their bed as he struggled to sit up, "forgive me," he whispered. "I've ruined this, and I-just let me start over?"

Arthur had to avert his eyes as Morgana came into frame to help Merlin take a sip of water. Even though he knew the moment was coming, having watched this particular video file every day now for the last six months, it still hit him like a punch to the gut every time. Morgana spoke lowly, softly to her friend and patient and Merlin nodded, offering her a weak smile. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, wiping a tear away as she exited the frame. 

Elyan entered the shot now, putting an extra pillow behind Merlin's head as he eased himself back down. The look that the two of them exchanged was fleeting but spoke volumes; of years of friendship, of brotherly love. Elyan squeezed Merlin's shoulder, the sickly brunet nodding in reply, covering Elyan's hand with his own for a moment. 

A moment such as this one _should have_ warmed Arthur's heart; and perhaps in time, it would. There was his everything, on the last day of his life, surrounded by the people who meant the most to him, recording a secret goodbye message for his husband.

It made Arthur want to cry. Again. However, as was typical, the sadness slowly but surely transformed into something much darker and he became angry. 

So angry that their bed had been turned into a sickbed when his other half became terminally ill. 

So angry that all he had left of Merlin were memories and bits of sound and video files that he'd amassed over the seven years they'd had together. 

So angry that fate deemed it necessary to part two people who loved each other so completely.

The knock at his door came as no surprise; even so, he ignored it. He knew it was Morgana again, and he knew her speech by heart. That it was "unhealthy to sit in a darkened flat with nothing but an empty birdcage and a laptop full of digital memories". But what his sister didn't seem to understand was that he could do, and intended to do, _precisely_ that.   
He waited until the knocking subsided to choose another video file to watch. 

When the room was flooded with light in the form of Merlin's grinning face Arthur's tears subsided and he smiled weakly, dragging his fingertip across one of his husband's cheekbones. Merlin had never looked more beautiful as he did in this moment, bathed in sunlight, his bare shoulders and messy hair contrasting beautifully against their pale blue bedsheets. 

_"D'you think we'll be together forever?"_

This time, for the first time ever, Arthur didn't reply.


End file.
